I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
