just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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