Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
