seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
