Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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