Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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