i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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