There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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