Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
