So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
