Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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