Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
