Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
