how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
