i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
