Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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