my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
