Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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