Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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