i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
