Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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