I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
