i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
