too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
