how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
