I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
