im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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