Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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