You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
