...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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