He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
