I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
