Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The ass gains better be worth it
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
