im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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