my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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