i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
