i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
