Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
