I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
