if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
