in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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