did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
