PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
