thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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