Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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