I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
