Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
