that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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