How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
