somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You smell like stripper and shame
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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