I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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