DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
